Posts Tagged ‘summer’

Run, Run as Fast as You Can, You Can’t Catch Me I’m Tom Cruise Man.

January 2, 2014

Things are taking a little longer than I had originally and optimistically anticipated. Having said that they’re still going and they’re going well unlike the ungodly experiments the scientists that produced this monstrosity are involved in:

Botched Tom Cruise Clone - Joshua Kahan

I had to take a short break.

The work sessions were never ending and days/weeks/months were running (see what I did there?) into one another. My concept of time was nonexistent and I completely lost all touch with reality.

It had gotten to the point where I would conclude sessions really feeling affected by the beauty of Tom Cruises’ face. At one point I considered getting some form of transformative surgery in order to make myself into him. When I closed my eyes all I could see was his face. Hell I was going to change my name to Tom Cruise it got that intense.

Still, it’s not as bad as the time I spent a whole summer indoors animating David Hasselhoff in just a leather jacket and underpants to Prince. Dark times.

Aaaaanyway the point is it will take a little longer for me to finish even if it costs me my sanity.


Josh

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Top Ten Ginger Deaths in Film

January 9, 2011

Here it is folks!

The Top 10 Ginger Deaths in film:

Drum roll please…

10Watchmen

I didn’t like what I saw of the film and I like this scene even less. The explosion is not quick or violent enough and it completely cheapens the impact of Rorschach’s death. However i’m sure there are some of you that liked it, so this is for you.

Enjoy

(p.s. If you haven’t, read the comic if it’s the only one you ever read)

9Dune

I understand Kyle Machlachanahnan must’ve been under a lot of pressure when David Lynch asked him to have a duel to the death with Sting on the set of Dune. Not only was sting already an established actor due to his exceptional role in Quadrophenia but he was also highly proficient with a blade due to his time as a knife fighter. During matches he would regularly discard the blade and proceed bite his opponents, thus earning the name ‘the sting’ (later shortened) as his behaviour was often fast, unexpected and injuries stung afterward.

Anyway, Kyle Machlachanannannn fights Sting, he gets the upper hand and kills sting in the head with a knife, he then shouts so loudly he makes the ground break.

Class.

8 Ken Park

It’s a nice summer day, this Kid called Ken goes skate boarding. On his journey to the skate park he does some tricks and by the time he gets there is frustrated because his ‘skilzz’ are ‘whack’ so blows his brains out in front everyone.

This is why something called practice was invented.

7Goldeneye

Fat, balding, ginger admiral…DEATH BY SEX!

(even better because it’s in Hindi)

6 Last Action Hero

Charles Dance shoots Arnie and is about to finish him off with a knife…

But Arnie attacks him with words:

‘No sequel for you!’

Arnie then shoots Charles Dance in the eye who then explodes…twice.

5Perfume

Jean-Baptiste Grenouille likes to smell red heads. Hey, i’m not judging…whatever tickles your pickle. Thing is he goes a bit further and kills them. In this scene he follows a girl, sniffs and then strangles her.

Later on in the film he goes further still and shaves a dead chick’s head, keeping the hair and turning it into a perfume. That gets him into some touble so maybe taking the hair was a step too far.

(I couldn’t find the exact scene online, so this’ll have to do)

Next time a guy tells you he thinks you smell so good he wants to make a perfume out of you, just be careful because he might really be saying ‘I want to kill you and shave your head.’

4Goldfinger

Another James Bond one, this time Auric Goldfinger is sucked out of a plane arse first.

I’m noticing a theme with fat balding red heads in James Bond…

3Starship Troopers

Everything is going well…as well as any retreat from giant alien bugs that spray fire from their faces.

Dizzy (a hot chick with a gun) kills a bug and is pretty happy because it’s worth at least 1000xp meaning she’ll level up really soon and will be able to upgrade her dexterity because lately she’s noticed that her combat reflexes were not as good as they should be.

Anyway she’s waving to Rico who’s pretty impressed and just as she’s about to get on the ship…

BAM!

Impaled by a giant insect spider thing and stabbed like 50 times!

Everyone’s a bit sad, not that sad, but a bit upset. She tries hitting on Rico with blood coming out of her mouth and all these new holes she’s gained. Rico doesn’t find it sexy because she’s pretty much dead, and then she dies.

Yeah well that’ll teach you to put points into charisma, all the good it did you.

2 Dune (again)

This is probably the most brutal one out of the lot. Fat, puss ridden, homosexual Baron Harkonen is having his face poked at by some subserviant mad pervert ‘doctor’. Some slave kid comes in and the Baron is on it already.

He levitates up to this young ginger boy with what can only be described as a curious-and-excited look-of-a-determined-sex-face and then proceeds to bleed the boy to death.

Why?

Because he can.

1Once Upon a Time in the West

This number one for good reason.

It is perfect.

It’s the first impression you get of Henry Fonda’s character (Henry Fonda was famous for playing good guys so this was quite a change). His gang shoot up the innocent McBain family murdering three of them except the youngest, who then comes out to find his family dead.

He stands there in shock as five men in dusters approach him.They stand there looking at him. Henry Fonda sort of smiles and looks like the doesn’t really want to kill the kid, but you’re unsure if he is because of the look in his eyes. Then after the goon speaks you know he is.

Goon:’what do we do now frank?’

Fonda:’well now that you’ve called me by name…’

BAM!

Dead ginger kid.

Brilliant, Beautiful. Ruthless.

Josh