Posts Tagged ‘star’

I’m sick of George Lucas.

March 12, 2012

George Lucas clearly has no artistic integrity because not only can’t he leave well enough alone, he has to pimp out these wonderful characters that I and many others love.

Who here wants to see Chewbacca selling shampoo? I don’t. But it’s inevitable.

I saw these Vodafone ads and was angry. I didn’t cry, I’m past the disappointment. I’m just so full of rage.

JOSH SMASH!!

R2D2 and C3PO selling electronics disappointing, but I see what you’ve done there.

Darth Vader sellig PCs at christmas…you’ve lost me.

Yoda? Phones? WTF? Oh wait, I see it…You’ve got some 3D version of Ep1 The Phantom Menace coming out and you want to reinforce the mass perception of a CGI yoda over the puppet one you replaced in the film. Very nice. Very Clever. Vodaphone. Genius.

(I’ve altered these a little in order to bring out the true meaning of the ad campaign)

It’s an interesting debate as to whether an artist should be allowed to change their work once it’s in the public domain. The way I see it, once it’s out there in the public it has been given. You don’t take back gifts from people just like you don’t take back art and alter it.

What Lucas clearly doesn’t realise is Star Wars is bigger than him. Sure he started it but he had a huge team working on the original films so sole creative credit should not go to him.

Star Wars to me is a lot like a beautiful woman with a great personality, a couple of spots and a slight lisp.

It’s love at first sight, she’s perfect. However one day a few years down the line she gets a boob job, you don’t mind this so much because you like big fake boobs. Still it’s not enough for her and gets a nose job and a facelift.

You tolerate this because you love and tell her she doesn’t need it and that she was perfect before. Then you notice that her lisp is gone. You didn’t realise how much you loved that lisp, it’s silly really but it gave her character.

She then goes and gets a sex change. Several surgeries, some hormone treatment and a clothes change later you find that she’s not the person you fell in love with originally. Not only does she look alien and sound different but her personality has changed somewhat too. Having said that you still care for her because love knows no bounds and she is the mother of your children.

You soon learn that it has been her father who has been manipulating into changing herself because all he’s ever wanted in life is a son and hs wife has only given him daughters.

Furthermore he’s been messing around with science and has attempted to clone her in order to start over, but the cloning process was imperfect and he has created a severely mentally and phsyically handicapped mutant female child with possible psychic powers.

Now any sane person would have the father put away somewhere he could do no harm, yet he seems to be roaming free. It won’t be long now before we see the fruits of his unholy experiments lord help us all…

Josh

p.s.One Star Wars film in 3D will be released a year until 2017.

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Bogie Bastards

March 29, 2011

I once wrote a book…

When I was 7.

It was called Bogie Bastards.

I’ve written other books, but this one as far as I am aware was the first and last of it’s kind.

I guess the idea behind it was something in the same vein as an activity book since it contained an array of creativity from jokes and doodles to song parodies and very short stories such as my star trek fan fictions which consisted mostly of swear words.

What shocked me most were some of the ‘draw-er-rings wot I did’. The one that grabbed me most was the image in which the double quiffed protagonist is threatening an anonymous stranger in a doorway with a gun whilst verbally abusing him, all the while his penis protrudes from his trousers standing semi erect and pointing in the same direction as the gun.

And just to prove that I’m not lying here is said image:

What can I say, it was the 90’s.

I have thus been inspired to recapture the essence of the original and recreate the protagonist using my skillz.

I don’t think my parents will be too happy about me posting this. I’m not sure they’re even fully aware of my little masterpiece – but fuck it.

Some people may think that there was and still is something wrong with me and that I am a product of a twisted society and bizarre upbringing. Well you may be right, you may be wrong. Either way I couldn’t care less.

Josh

Now THAT’S sexy…

December 26, 2010

This is getting a bit ridiculous now, I know this will only be the third post but I feel like it’s just a bit too much Batman.

A voice in my head says ‘you can never have too much Batman’, but that voice also tells me that doritos can double as ninja stars if thrown correctly, white lines is the star wars of hip hop and ping pong is the national sport in Thailand. You decide.

Anyway.

I came across this whilst looking for Batman blogs for my dissertation

HOT CHICKS IN BATMAN T-SHIRTS

It’s pretty self explanatory and if I were a hot chick in a Batman T shirt I would definately contribute.

That is all.

Josh