Posts Tagged ‘bullshit’

How To Be A Klingon Male

January 27, 2016

Men (and women): You may, in your encounters on the world wide interweb have come across articles or posts telling you how to be a better man.

These revelations, no doubt will have been compiled by keyboard jockeys, self styled lifestyle gurus and other radicals seeking to destabilise our way of life with their never ending torrents of bullshit that needlessly over complicate things.

Seriously, who writes this shit? #17? And 18? Fack awff. Well, it got me thinking and I figured one can be as macho, metro sexual or handy with power tools as they want, it doesn’t matter how manly you think you are because ultimately you are not Klingon. And as we all know that’s about as manly as things get next to a carniverous gun toting beard that was born to kill.

Seeing as that is an unrealistic aspiration for even the best of us, as a remedy I put together this Klingon self help video. Don’t thank me, I’m just doing my bit to improve the world.


Something for Nothing

November 16, 2011

This is a bit of a long one and there aren’t many pictures so bare with me.

I had an interview for a potential job a week or so ago. I spoke with one of the interviewers on the phone prior to the interview to see what they were all about and set it up. After the conversation I had a look at their websites and still wasn’t 100% sure what they did. There were 3 websites, each providing a different service all of which looked like they’d been made using the same template. I had a suspicious feeling but went down all the same because I would like some paid animation work and you shouldn’t judge a company by its website – well in some cases you can .

The guys interviewing me were nice enough although it took a while for them to get to the point of what they wanted me to do. I am told that they’re a bunch of technical guys with no creative art worker types working for them at present.

They want me as an ‘intern’ for 2 months during which time I would produce (by myself) numerous 60 second promos that succinctly communicate what their products are. I would have the opportunity to learn project management, and business. There would also be the opportunity to potentially get work from their future clients. They would pay for my travel.

I have a think about it.

My main motivation for working there would be to earn money animating and to learn more. Am I animating? Yes. Am I earning money? No. Will I be learning more about animation from people more experienced than myself? No.

1 out of 3 isn’t good enough for me so I decline politely via email:

I get a text at 4.16pm:

60 second animation, relatively simple, will take about a week to complete if working slow, budget £150 to work from our office, interested?

In what way is it simple? How do you know it will take one week? Is there a script? Why would I work slow? Is it story-boarded/animatic made? Do I have to design characters Am I just animating? I have so many more questions nevertheless I give them the benefit of the doubt and reply:

I’ll do it for £650. What facilities do you have in your office for animating?

They say:

Full time junior animators don’t get paid that much, It’s for boots and it’s cheaper to get our internal to do it. We use imacs. I believe you need to build a portfolio of published work before you can start quoting higher rates. Too expensive. Thanks though 🙂

If that’s the case why even ask me? Furthermore why was I not interviewed by the internal, someone who presumably knows something about animation? They’re bullshitting me and want something for nothing. I respond:

A week of work to me equates to 40hours. Full time juniors salary range from £420 -£625 a week (20-30k pa). Even if I wanted to work 40 hours at £150 (£3.75 an hour) I would effectively be paying to work.

They say:

I see how you have worked it out. We base it on what you get after tax for 3 days, we turn over about 30 million a year on ad contracts, clients including apple, boots, pepsicon, LG and many more. As projects are unpredictable, for animation we have 1 full time after effects senior and contract in juniors for specific projects. Budgets are always strict, will keep your details on file and contact you when your experience justifies 650for 3 days work 🙂

This is followed up by another text minutes later before I have sent my reply:

Just to give you a little more info, if you go online, use the reed salary calculator which give he going market rate for any job, animators in London get 18k,after tax etc, it works out to 304 a week for experianced  2d animator. Hope you find this helpful. Regards.

I don’t mind that I am being spoken down to or that they use smileys in their texts (it says more about them), but they’re wrong and the bullshitting persists. Who is this animator? Why wasn’t I interviewed by them and why wasn’t I directed to or shown any of their work? How does 3 days translate as a week? I’m obviously dealing with real pros here so I decide to negotiate my fee just to see how they respond.

Ah 3 days! £50 a day.  If that were a 10 hour day that would work out at £5 an hour. If you can double to £10 an hour you’d find a hard working animator at your service for the duration of the project. I’m sure that would be no budgetary strain for a company with a £30 million turnover.

I never received a reply, I guess my demands were too unrealistic. Oh well, back to the weekend markets for me, I obviously need to brush up on my haggling skills. In the mean time I’m going to be putting that photographic memory power I received from the accident at the toxic waste plant to use: