Men (and women): You may, in your encounters on the world wide interweb have come across articles or posts telling you how to be a better man.
These revelations, no doubt will have been compiled by keyboard jockeys, self styled lifestyle gurus and other radicals seeking to destabilise our way of life with their never ending torrents of bullshit that needlessly over complicate things.
Seriously, who writes this shit? #17? And 18? Fack awff. Well, it got me thinking and I figured one can be as macho, metro sexual or handy with power tools as they want, it doesn’t matter how manly you think you are because ultimately you are not Klingon. And as we all know that’s about as manly as things get next to a carniverous gun toting beard that was born to kill.
Seeing as that is an unrealistic aspiration for even the best of us, as a remedy I put together this Klingon self help video. Don’t thank me, I’m just doing my bit to improve the world.
Just a quick one because I don’t think this video needs much explanation. It requires a little though so I’ll write the article Buzzfeed style because I know you’re all busy ‘on the go’ types that don’t have time to read proper sentences.
2) I made this video as a parody
3) like, a joke, a piss take
5) If you’ve seen The Hobbit: Battle of The Five Armies you’ll know what I’m talking about.
7) Just watch the video, I can’t even…
I can’t remember how we ended up with the idea for the video (usual way I guess) but Lot in Sodom was quite an influence. Watch and enjoy, any questions put ’em in the comments section.
I finished this one off at 4am with an eyegraine and in dire need of sleep.
In case you were wondering, no, the book is not real. It is as fictional as the author. I can however reveal an excerpt from the book but don’t tell the publishers (wink, wink):
‘She was outraged.
There she stood on the threshold of the dining room in what she once belived was her home, her beautiful home, to find Michael, the Daschund making love to her grand piano.
The rage took hold and she screamed. She screamed loudly.
It was like an earthquake.’
Things are taking a little longer than I had originally and optimistically anticipated. Having said that they’re still going and they’re going well unlike the ungodly experiments the scientists that produced this monstrosity are involved in:
I had to take a short break.
It had gotten to the point where I would conclude sessions really feeling affected by the beauty of Tom Cruises’ face. At one point I considered getting some form of transformative surgery in order to make myself into him. When I closed my eyes all I could see was his face. Hell I was going to change my name to Tom Cruise it got that intense.
Still, it’s not as bad as the time I spent a whole summer indoors animating David Hasselhoff in just a leather jacket and underpants to Prince. Dark times.
Aaaaanyway the point is it will take a little longer for me to finish even if it costs me my sanity.